signal fire

Caught in a bit of a rut

you know that feeling of no feelings... that feeling where all could be lost but you just don't know what it is you actually losing...
where the tiny bit of hope and belief you had in all you wish for is faded under a major amount of nothingness. all the stuff you don't know is all you really do...
you know that feeling of being caught up in a destructive web and the more it defines itself the more it captures you. and the more destruction takes place.
you know that feeling of being so desperate  for the strength you had second ago, but knowing you can never get it back because you let it go, you overlooked the preciousness of it.
you know how all you ever knew makes too much sense and you wish you didn't know anything at all. you know how those little glimpses of happiness that you have, are immediately stabbed, they a bit too blinding to hold on to...

that feeling, when you just about to fall into a deep sleep but you are awakened by almost choking on the huge lump of nervousness that has been formed in your throat.

“I knew all along. Dreams. They fall. They all fall. Know this now, you are my dream. I will always be a fool, your fool. I think its best. For you. Be someone for someone else. I will always be yours. Whatever you are in the mirror to yourself know that you are ten thousand times that for me. Whatever you think of your flaws just know that they mean nothing to me. You mirror perfection to me. A perfect pane of blemish free glass. You wont be far from my thoughts. Ever. That I swear to you. You are still my perfect girl. I know I will always have something for you. You will always have some of me. I haven’t felt anything like this before. And so be it that we wont be together. I do not expect your love. I will always have it for you though. For as long as I have a heart.”

you know that feeling when someone is about to save you from the web you've been entangled in for a very long time. or that feeling of not knowing who it is...
that feeling where you are caught between the knowledge and the passion...
that feeling of needing the knowledge but living for the passion.
you know, that feeling.
I love the passion